Conversation Starters: 150 Openers Sorted by Situation

The conversation starters that work are the ones tied to where you are standing. An opener has one job: hand over something specific the other person can answer, correct, or add to. Everything below is sorted by situation. The line that opens a coworker on a Monday morning will die at a pharmacy counter.

Key Takeaways:

• An opener that asks for a summary gets a summary back; one that points at a visible detail gets a story
• Which line you open with matters less than what you do with the reply: in Huang’s 2017 studies the liking effect sat on questions that were built out of the answer just given, not on questions brought to the room (Huang et al., 2017)
• Whatever verdict you reach walking away, it is set too low: people finish a first conversation guessing the other person enjoyed it less than that person reports (Boothby et al., 2018)
• Both people wanting the conversation to stop at the same second turns out to be close to a coincidence, which reclassifies the awkward ending as the standard case rather than something you caused (Mastroianni, Cooney and colleagues, 2021)

What Makes a Conversation Starter Work

A conversation starter works when the other person can answer it with something specific without having to hunt for that specific thing. That is the entire test. Everything below passes it; the lines you already know and quietly hate do not.

“How’s it going” asks for a summary, and “what do you do” asks for a category. Both hand back one word. A word is nowhere to go. The person is not being cold; they answered exactly what you asked, and you asked for the least interesting version of them on offer.

The lines that work point at something already in the room. A detail you can both see costs the other person nothing to think about, because they were already looking at it. Half the good ones are not questions at all.

That is the part people skip. A statement with a small opinion stuck to it leaves the other person four ways in: agree, disagree, correct the detail, or top it with something worse they saw last week. “That’s the third name they’ve called wrong” gets one of those four. “Have you been waiting long” gets the number 20. The ones that also land as a joke do this and buy goodwill on top, though a genuinely funny opener is harder to pull off than it looks.

Where this stops applying: the deep question in a shallow setting. People really do underrate how much they would enjoy a substantial conversation (Kardas, Kumar & Epley, 2022), and every pair in that research had already agreed to sit down and talk. Nothing in it licenses asking a stranger in a checkout line about their biggest regret. Save the weight.

The same test quietly kills pickup lines. A rehearsed line aimed at a woman asks her to react to your delivery instead of to anything real, which is why the openers that work on a woman without sounding like a pickup line point at the room, not at her.

Run every line below through that test before you borrow it. If the honest answer is “fine,” bin it.

Conversation Starters for Strangers

With a stranger you have exactly one shared asset, and it is the situation you are both standing in. Nothing about their life is available yet, so every good opener here is about the place, the wait, or the object. That constraint is a gift. It means you never have to invent anything.

In a line or a waiting room

• “This line has a personality and it isn’t a good one.”
• “Is this the fast one, or did I pick wrong again?”
• “You’ve had the thing with the peppers. I need a verdict.”
• “You’ve clearly done this before. What’s the move?”
• “Fair warning, I’m about to ask you what that is.”
• “How long have they had you waiting?”
• “Is your dog always this suspicious of strangers?”
• “That vending machine has taken my money twice.”
• “You picked the good seat. Respect.”
• “Have they called anything in the last 20 minutes?”
• “That smells better than whatever I ordered.”
• “They’ve been calling numbers out of order for 10 minutes.”
• “Do you know if we’re supposed to check in first?”

A delayed flight, a platform, a stalled train

Delay hands everyone in the room the identical problem at the identical moment. Your neighbor is already staring at the board you are staring at, which means the premise is built and you only have to say it out loud.

• “That board has been lying to us for an hour.”
• “Were you on the 6:40 too?”
• “I’m going to guess you also have a connection to miss.”
• “Is there food past security that isn’t a pretzel?”
• “Two hours. I’ve made peace with it.”
• “Did they announce anything, or are we all guessing?”
• “That seat is either taken or your coat is a hostage.”
• “You have the good outlet. I respect it and I want it.”
• “Where were you supposed to be right now?”

On a dog walk or at the park

Dogs do the introduction, which is why people who walk them meet more strangers than anyone else on the block. Ask about the animal first and the person second, and nobody has to admit they wanted to talk.

• “What is he? I’ve been guessing for a block.”
• “How old?”
• “Is she friendly, or should I keep my hands to myself?”
• “Mine is scared of the fountain. Yours?”
• “You two do this loop every morning. I’ve seen you.”
• “This is the good bench. You know it, I know it.”
• “Who’s winning, you or him?”
• “Did you get her from around here?”
• “That is a serious amount of energy for 7 a.m.”

At a party or someone’s gathering

Everyone in the room is connected to one person or one occasion, which hands you a premise for free.

• “How do you know Dana?”
• “Are you the friend who told her not to buy the boat?”
• “Which one of us is going to leave first, you think?”
• “I got here 10 minutes ago and I already need context.”
• “You look like you’re hiding from someone. Same.”
• “What’s the story with this apartment? It’s enormous.”
• “Somebody in this room knows what’s in that punch.”
• “What did she tell you to bring?”
• “Be honest, do you also know nobody here?”
• “Who’s the person everyone keeps looking at?”
• “I’m told you’re the one who fixed the sink.”

A room where you know exactly one person

Work events and weddings you were brought to run on the same fuel. One anchor makes you a legitimate guest, and naming that anchor out loud gives a stranger something to place you against.

• “I’m here with Priya. That’s the whole of my credentials.”
• “You look like you know how this thing works. I don’t.”
• “Which side are you, bride or groom?”
• “Plus-one solidarity. How are you holding up?”
• “I know exactly one person in this room and she’s gone.”
• “There’s a plan here somewhere and neither of us has it.”
• “What do you actually do, in words a person could repeat?”
• “Have you met the couple, or are you also borrowed?”
• “Nobody has told me whether we sit or graze.”
• “How did you get roped into this one?”

A hobby group’s first session

Nobody in a first session has standing yet, so the most ignorant question in the room is also the safest one. Being new is the shared condition, and saying it beats performing competence you do not have.

• “First time. It shows.”
• “What made you sign up for this?”
• “Did you buy all the gear, or are you waiting to see?”
• “Someone recommended this to you. I want their name.”
• “I was told no experience necessary. I’m testing that.”
• “Have you done anything like this before?”
• “Somebody talked you into this. I can tell.”
• “If this is terrible, are you coming back?”

With someone who is working

Bartenders, cashiers, hairdressers, the person fixing your boiler. They have heard the same three lines all day and they are on a clock, so one specific question about the actual work beats any amount of general friendliness. Give them an easy way out and they usually take the conversation instead.

• “What do you drink when you’re not making these?”
• “What’s on this menu that people should order and don’t?”
• “How many of those have you made today?”
• “Is this the busy hour, or is that later?”
• “What breaks the most in a house like this?”
• “What do people always ask you that they shouldn’t?”
• “This playlist is a choice. I want to know whose.”
• “What’s worse, the weather or the customers?”
• “Strangest request you’ve had this week?”
• “Long shift?”
• “How long have you been doing this?”
• “What’s the part of this job nobody sees?”

Test one of these today at a counter you were going to stand at anyway. You risk 15 seconds.

Openers for People You See but Don’t Know

These are the hardest ones, and almost nobody admits it. You have seen this person 40 times, which means the normal opener has expired — “hi, I’m new here” ran out a year ago. So skip the introduction and ask about something practical instead.

Coworkers you have never really spoken to

You have unlimited shared material and almost none of it is the actual work. Ask about the edges.

• “Do you use the standing desk, or is it a decoration?”
• “Who do I ask when the printer starts lying to me?”
• “You were on that call. Did that make sense to you?”
• “What’s the food situation here that nobody tells new people?”
• “Is this week normal, or is this week bad?”
• “What did you do before this?”
• “Where’s the good coffee, and don’t say the kitchen.”
• “Did you come in for this, or did they make you?”
• “There’s a trick to booking a room here and nobody has told me it.”
• “What’s the one thing you’d change about this place?”
• “Fridays here run on rules I have not cracked yet.”
• “Every decision here comes out of a room I have never seen.”

Neighbors and people in your building

• “I’ve lived here two years and I’ve never asked your name.”
• “Was that you at 6 in the morning, or should I worry?”
• “Do you know if the hot water is out for everyone?”
• “The parking situation here has rules. I have broken them.”
• “Your car took a hit. Was that the corner?”
• “The recycling here defeats me. Weekly.”
• “Was that your kid on the scooter? He’s quick.”
• “Is that garden yours? It’s out of control in a good way.”
• “You’re the one with the dog who hates me.”
• “You were here before me. Years before, I think.”
• “We’ve been nodding at each other for two years. I’m Ray.”
• “Do you know if the guy upstairs ever got his packages back?”
• “There’s a trash day nobody told me about.”

The gym, or the class you go to every week

Repetition already did the hard part. Two people who have shared a room 30 times are not strangers, and pretending otherwise is precisely what makes the fortieth time awkward, so name the repetition and the conversation starts itself.

• “We’ve been in this room every Tuesday for a year. I’m Sam.”
• “Is he always this cheerful about burpees?”
• “How long did it take you before this stopped hurting?”
• “You switched from the earlier one. I noticed.”
• “That machine is broken. Or I am.”
• “What did I miss last week?”
• “You make that look easier than it is.”
• “Do you go to the Thursday one too?”
• “Be honest. Does this get better?”

Openers for People You Already Know

The problem here is not what to say, it is the toll you think you owe before saying it. With an old friend the toll feels like an apology. With a partner it feels like a reason. Both are traps: an apology makes the other person manage your guilt before they get to talk, and a reason turns an ordinary question into a summons.

An old friend you have drifted from

• “You came up today and I realized it’s been a year.”
• “I saw a thing about the band and thought of you.”
• “Random question, then I’ll explain: are you still in Denver?”
• “I have no news. I just wanted to say hello.”
• “I owe you a longer message, but I’m starting here.”
• “Quick one: what was the name of that restaurant?”
• “I told a story about you last week and got the ending wrong.”
• “How did the thing with your mom turn out?”
• “I still think about what you said about quitting.”
• “Tell me one thing that’s happened since we last talked.”
• “I found a photo of us and I look ridiculous.”
• “Are you still doing the Sunday thing?”

Your partner, when the talk has shrunk to logistics

Logistics questions have correct answers, and that is exactly what is wrong with them. Ask something with no correct answer and the conversation has somewhere to go. A few of these will land on something you disagree about, and keeping that from sliding into a fight is the skill that keeps the rest of the list usable.

• “What was the best part of today, even if it was small?”
• “What have you been thinking about that hasn’t come up?”
• “If we canceled the weekend, what would you want to do?”
• “What did you used to want that you stopped mentioning?”
• “What’s annoying you that you haven’t said out loud?”
• “What do you think I’m wrong about?”
• “When did you last feel like you had a whole day?”
• “What’s something you’d like me to ask about more?”
• “Who did you talk to today that you liked?”
• “What would you do with a free Tuesday?”
• “What’s the last thing that made you laugh without me?”
• “Is there something you’ve been waiting for me to notice?”

Someone from an online group, meeting in person

Meeting a person you have typed at for two years is not a first meeting, and running the biography script wastes everything you already have. Pick up a thread that was live last week.

• “You are taller than your posts.”
• “I still owe you an answer on the thread from Tuesday.”
• “Say the thing you said in the group. I want to hear it out loud.”
• “Did the situation with your landlord ever resolve?”
• “Which of these people did you expect to be different?”
• “I’ve read a thousand of your posts and I don’t know what you do.”
• “You were in that group long before I found it.”
• “Was I what you expected, or worse?”

Starters That Work Over Text

Text strips out tone of voice and adds a delay, so a good text opener has to survive being read in the worst possible voice and still be answerable in under a minute. Anything that reads as a demand for attention gets left on read. Anything with a built-in exit gets answered.

• “Two-second question: are you free Thursday or Friday?”
• “This made me think of you.”
• “No agenda, just checking you’re alive.”
• “What’s one thing that would make your week easier?”
• “Are you a voice note person, or does that horrify you?”
• “I need an opinion and you have opinions.”
• “Weird one. Do you remember the name of my old roommate?”
• “Answer whenever. How did the interview go?”
• “I have a story that’s too long to text. Call sometime?”
• “Say one thing about your day. That’s the whole ask.”
• “Small thing: did you ever get the car back?”
• “You’ve been quiet. Not a complaint, just noticing.”

The Move After They Answer

The opener is not the hard part, and treating it as the hard part is why so many of these fizzle at exchange two. What decides whether a conversation continues is the question you ask about their answer. Huang and colleagues went through get-acquainted conversations in 2017 and found the liking effect concentrated in one narrow class of question: the kind nobody could have prepared, because it is built out of the sentence that just landed.

You do not need the study to run it. Somewhere in what they said is a word that came from their life rather than from your question, and that word is the next thing you ask about. Someone tells you they work in insurance. Commercial, or the kind where people call you crying? Now they have a story going, and you did not have to be interesting for a single second of it.

Give it three exchanges before you decide it flopped. Most conversations that feel dead on arrival are two people warming up at different speeds.

Leaving is its own move and it should be deliberate. Mastroianni, Cooney and colleagues asked people in 2021 when they had wanted a conversation to stop, and the wanted stopping points of the two participants almost never coincided, which makes the clean mutual ending something you can wait for all evening without it showing up. Say the exit out loud instead: I’m going to grab a seat before they fill up, good talking to you. Complete, and nobody has ever taken offense.

FAQ

What do I say when I have nothing to say? Describe what is in front of you and attach an opinion to it. “That line is a crime” and “this coffee is genuinely terrible” both work, and neither asks you to have anything interesting in your head. The other person supplies the content.

How do I know if they actually want to talk to me? Watch their feet and the length of their replies, not their face. A body turned toward you, or an answer longer than your question needed, means they are in. Do not use your own gut as the instrument. Boothby’s 2018 work asked both halves of a new pair how much they had liked the other person and how much they believed they were liked back, and for nearly everybody the second number came in under the first.

How do I get out of a conversation without being rude? Give a reason and a closing line, in that order, without waiting for a gap. Something like: I need to catch someone before they leave, but this was good. Waiting for a natural pause fails, because those pauses arrive at the wrong moment for at least one of you nearly every time.

Do these work if I’m the quiet one in the room? Yes, and better than they work for talkative people, because none of them ask you to be entertaining. Every line above puts the talking load on the other person. Pick four you could imagine saying out loud, ignore the rest, and reuse the same four for a month.

Sorting these by situation is not an organizational convenience. It is the argument: there is no all-purpose opener, and hunting for one is what keeps people silent in rooms full of people they would have liked. What you are building is not a script. It is the habit of looking at where you stand, saying the specific true thing about it, and asking about whatever comes back. Try it in a pharmacy line this week. The conversation was never waiting on a better line.

If the part that takes practice is the move after they answer, a daily back-and-forth with Lona is one low-stakes way to get the reps in: it is an AI, so nobody is on a clock, and it holds the earlier thread instead of resetting every time. Treat it as a warm-up before the pharmacy line, not a fill-in for one.

Sources

• Huang, K. et al., “It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking,” JPSP, 2017
• Boothby, E. J. et al., “The Liking Gap in Conversations,” Psychological Science, 2018
• Kardas, M., Kumar, A. & Epley, N., “Overly Shallow?”, JPSP, 2022
• Mastroianni, A. M., Cooney, G. et al., “Do Conversations End When People Want Them To?”, PNAS, 2021